Saturday, 15 July 2017

Making HR more relevant for business needs

Good advice from Comrade Carl


Yesterday, our air-conditioning was on the blink so I headed to a cafe (which is a French word) where I get a 80% discount and the air is as cool as a Danish cucumber in summer. 

Sitting in a booth was our chief nerd, Comrade Carl Marks, and  CEO Stan, who were discussing the 'build' of my down-sizer, Ms Cynthia Axe. Stan used the term 'brick shithouse'. However as I approached, they became more politically correct, and started gawking at my legs. 

'Come join us Gloria', suggested Stan. The comrade and I are discussing how to make HR more relevant to our business needs'. Stan then excused himself for a moment or two, in line with his key value of an enlarged prostate gland. 

Carl told me that the organization as we know it is crumbling, 'just like the nation states in the middle east. Jesus Gloria, no one thinks Iraq, Syria or Libya exist anymore except on CNN and BBC'. 

'What are you getting at, my dear Comrade Carl?', I asked naively.

Stan returned from having a leak. Comrade Carl continued,
'I was just telling Gloria that HR needs to align itself along the tribal lines of our staff. We need a white tight ass English speaking HR lady for Sales, an Indian lady for our IT department who speaks 38 dialects, and there is no need for any HR in R&D. My nerds come from countries where ladies have no respect and bosses (always men) deal with HR issues at the local level. I plan to hire a secretary to do all the manual tasks of HR, and take on the high level work on my own. I love you Gloria, but you needs to develop your career in data mining or hairdressing'.

The comrade then got up and said, I'm going out to smoke a joint;  then back to work. Gloria, you are a great gal. Please pay my tab; I have 4 doughnuts and a diet pepsi.



Built like a brick shithouse



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