|My niqab made me inconspicuous|
In our monthly organizational survey, HR was surprisingly not rated the most popular function in our company.
At the end of the survey, there is a space for "other comments". Several nerds used the word “bitch” referring to HR leadership. I am sure they were not referring to the straight white boy who runs Diversity, Hugh White. An eventual replacement for Hugh may be necessary. Ms Axe however must be retained.
A few (hundred) nerds used other terminology to describe HR. I shan't go into details, in line with my core values of avoiding too much information.
To quickly implement corrective action after the survey, two activities were carried out:
1- We shall deport by plane 3 nerds back to their native homelands, albeit that there are no airports in these countries.
2- I shall act on the findings of my recent inconspicuous tour of our big data department.
Oh heavens, I forgot to tell you about that tour! Just as the survey was carried out, when it was rumored that HR’s ranking would be non-wow, I took an inconspicuous tour among our nerds to encourage them to rank HR "appropriately".
In order that they not recognize me, I donned a niqab, brought in a plate of spicy food, and held a left wing, secular, liberal Hebrew newspaper in my hand. Nothing can be more inconspicuous than that, if you ask me.
In one corner sat Vlad, Vlad, Vlad, Natalie, Natalie and one Svet. They were referring to HR as a bunch of politruks who need to be “dealt with and disposed of, kibinimat”.
In another corner, Moshe, Moshe, Igor, Moshe, Sanjay, Sanjay, Sanjay and Moshe argued among themselves how bad HR really was. They were in fierce disagreement, and yet Moshe said that Miss Axe was ‘well put together”, which I found as tasteless, if you ask me. No one refers to me like that.
In the third corner sat Lisl and Helmut from Germany, who were analyzing all the data, trying to figure out whether to rank HR as “very bad”, or “even worse”. I think Helmut is a strange name, unless a motorcycle is involved.
Our one English speaking nerd, Mike, was too busy working on an algorithm to rank HR. “Fuck the survey, it’s useless", he said. "E=MC2".
As I crept out of the room, I decided that I need to commission a leadership webinar on “The downside of the Gig Economy`, which I will pipe into the Big Data toilet facilities. That should change survey results next time.